Monday, December 31, 2007

The Paranoid

The Paranoid

I am afraid !!!!!

Down in he memory lane, I remember I was …….. I, and what I am today is not even a reflection of an iota of mine …… Something is missing and missing beyond the recognition level. Either I am not recognizing myself or the time is not recognizing …….. I am in dilemma.
I am afraid of this dilemma …… the fear …… I am loosing myself ….. I am feeling to be a miniscule in the vast and vivacious universe…… The “Big Bang” is engulfing my stature …. I am traversing in the zero gravity …. Senseless, weightless and directionless. I am loosing control ……. Something has taken charge of me …….

“OH MI GOSH ………. I am flying feeling gravity less …. I cannot hold myself, I want to stop ………… please H E L P !!!!!! Save Me !!!!!!! Lend me a hand, I want to be in the Gravity Zone …….. PLEASE help me in gaining my gravity …. I want to be back on the earth …… my homeland ………..” My memories are in past ….. I am cuddling in the arms of my mother. I am in the most secured zone. I AM THE KING. I am crying and my mother is there to feed me.
I am walking with my father holding his fingers ….. I am with the aplomb of life …. I AM THE KING. I want to go to east, west, north, south and my father’s hands are there to guide me, to hold me from falling.

I am driving a bike …… so many vehicles are there and all of them are trying to overtake my bike …… I am no more secured ….. I have to maintain my balance or else I will fall ……. I WILL FALL … I am searching for that cuddling arm, that guiding fingure ….. I HAVE LOST THEM ……. I am driving my car …… I am searching for my way to find someone who can give me her cuddling arm and a finger with who I can again be strong …… I CAN FEEL TO BE A KING …… ALAS !!!!! I am on the wrong path ……. I can never find her ….. I have grown and so is she ……. How can two grown ups be Humane ?? We have all reasons to find fault with our feelings ……. I AM GRAVITY LESS ……. I want a balance in life ……. I want to relax ……… I cannot sleep, at least till there are stars in the sky, I AM COUNTING THEM … 1…2….3….4….., Millions, Billions, Trillions ……. I have to be awake ….. I CANNOT HOLD ME ………….. I have to search …. An endless search ……

I AM AFRAID …… cause the night is Dark, soundless, speechless, and I am loosing my directions, SOMETHING HAS TAKEN CHARGE OF ME ………
“The dark space is engulfing me….. I am sinking ….. I am …….. OHHHH A BLACK HOLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Utpal Kant Mishra

2 comments:

Deepti Agarwal said...

Well to an extent to be engulfed by a Black Hole and be lost is a better option then remain firm with gravity beneath and feeling disbalanced and lost.

Just my Theory... Ofcourse every individual does not think alike.

Utpal said...

Not a wrong theory at all! The only thing is that the choice of destiny is always pruned and sharpened by one way road "fate". Fear of unknown is greater in the black whole