Friday, March 6, 2009

Me and My Cell Phone alias Mobile Phone

“Could you please call me back a couple of hours later, I am in a meeting” I said to the caller on my cell phone while comfortably lying on my couch. I am feeling that that my habit of lying is growing gradually and in proportion of my increasing use of my cell phone.

“Hey Utpal, can you please take this call and tell them that I have left my cell phone at my office and have gone out for a meeting”, my colleague asked me as soon as his cell phone buzzed and he saw the number flashing. Probably he has by now understood my dexterity of lying or maybe he wants to keep himself out of the sin of lying. Be whatever, I did the same and I feel nothing much has happened other than one more sin being added in my account being maintained by Mr. Chitragupta in Hon’ble Mr. Yamraaj’s (Indian God of Death) office.

I was aware that my company has not made due payments to the vendors I have finalized and have released work order to. I praise and blush by my decision of choosing in for clip services. This helps me getting the numbers of incoming calls and I am at my own liberty of either picking up or not picking up of any calls. After all I too am a citizen of the same democratic country of which my company is a citizen. I thank our politician for framing such a good law and order system where any company can choose to pay or not to pay or to pay at their own discretion for the services bought from relatively weaker vendors.

Sometimes I feel that English is a funny language and at times I wonder who has created this language. Please forgive me for this statement as I am an ignorant persona. But it always reads Ladies and Gentlemen. And I wonder “hasn’t the gentlemen who has invented this language ever met any Gentlewomen, why it talks always about gentlemen” whereas I have always met gentle women starting from my mother to my ex and present girl friends including my estranged wife. I seriously hope that all my coming girl friends will also be gentle women if not gentle girls. So, I would try to use the word “Dear Readers” instead of getting into the complexities of gentleness.”Dear Readers, as you must be aware that this cell phone is also having a unique feature of SMS which for any normal person function at least five times a day, out of which four times with junk SMS”. One day while I was driving I got the ring tone of an SMS. It made me curious as I was expecting an SMS of the then girl friend of mine. So thought n jam packed traffic I used my cell phone and the SMS read “For massage services from trained and convent educate girls please contact ----------“. I am still wondering what beautiful convent educated girls have to do with massage. Anyway, there was another instance while I was sitting in the board meeting and the Chairman of my the then company was lecturing on motivation, without talking of the overdue salary hike, while the same beep made me pick up the phone again which read “ Loan in two minutes, contact ----------“. Dear Readers, I seriously hate my cell phone from the core of my heart when an SMS reminds me with the last date of payment of the EMIs.” “ Mind you dear readers, all this when I am a religious subscriber of please do not disturb services of my Service provider as ordered by the Government of India”.

“Hello, Pushpa here” my colleague attended her cell phone “yes, ok, wait a minute” she stood up and started strolling inside the hall “yes, but you do not understand” ….. “Ok, let me explain……” she kept on talking wide audible to for 45 minutes and I thought by his time she has walked at least a Mile. I thought it is good for her health as she was near 70 kilos, but I got the shock of my lifetime when I saw my another colleague Ramesh doing the same while being a representative of some famine, having only 45 kilos. I remember those olden and golden days when our parents used to apply for landlines and there used to have been a queue for allotment of the number. I remember when the telephone line did come to my house for the first time we ate “Laddu” an Indian sweet delicacy. I was happy with that system where I used to talk standing while attending the calls. I wonder if “history will repeat itself” or not. Be whatever, that was a big day for me as I got the knowledge of why Cell phones are rechristened Mobile Phones.

I was travelling in a DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation) bus on a fateful day. I was almost asleep as that was a lucky day for me to get a seat in the bus. I was about to sleep when I heard somebody singing a favorite and all time hit Hindi number “chookar mere man ko, kiya toonain kya ishaaraa” (I do not know what have you indicated after touching my heart). I was being about to be envious of the person who can sing this well and that also in DTC Bus that another person started singing another Hindi number “chalti kya nau se baarah” (are you coming at nine to twelve movie show) and suddenly there were some strange sound “taaak taak treeee taaak taaakkkk “, and suddenly I was wide awake to jump out of the bus as I have felt as if there is some terrorist attack on the bus with AK 47. I was about to do the same when I asked myself “Hey Man ! people were singing that is fine but from where there was music coming” and while I was thinking again somebody started singing with music but this time it was an English number “Last night I dreamt of Sam Padero” with music and the passenger sitting next to me took out his cell phone “Hello………”. The mystery of the singers got revealed and I realized that these sounds were from the cell phones of the co – passengers who have set all these bizarre sounds as ring tones. I thought “How nice a gentleman was Mr. Graham Bell”.

Mobile phone ! Mine rings when I am in wash room, while I am driving, while I am sleeping alone or with my wife. I do not know whether this happens with others or not but this is happening with me every now and then. Now in my everyday prayer I ask a boon from God; as everybody else ask, I thought asking to God is a ritual and so I am asking every day; “Oh Lord ! give one day when the entire Mobile Phone network collapse and there is neither any call nor any SMS on my cell phone. Oh Lord! I want to live my life for one day, I have lost it years before. Bless Me Lord. Amen!”

Have a Nice Day ahead, and I seek your permission to be back in a short while with another article in the journey continued.
Good Luck …

Utpal Kant Mishra
Delhi; March 06, 2009.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

My Fast on Shivratri

“Hey! Today is Shivratri! We are going to Fast! How about you man!” at 8 AM early morning Ravi asked me.

Ravi is a close friend of mine and somehow religious by nature. So, doing fast came as no surprise to me. He knows that I live alone and at frequent intervals I keep on banging inside his house forcing myself to be The Guest of Honor on dinner. He also is very caring and I thought it was out of his anxiety about my dinner that he asked me this, so that if I too am on Fast he will be mentally relaxed or otherwise he would have kept worrying as to how I am going to have my dinner.

“Ravi ! I have just got up man and till now had nothing! Thanks for reminding me of Shivaratri Thing! I will now think of keeping fast!” I said these words to make him comfortable so that he can enjoy his “Shivratri Fast” without being bothered about my Dinner.

This was the start of my morning on an auspicious day with a Lie. I knew fast is not my cup of tea. I cannot by any means satiate my glutton and somewhat agnostic stomach. Since, I had to console Ravi I said that and while I was saying this, my mind was thinking of what I can cook today for my dinner.

Mind! scrupulous or unscrupulous! It has only one thing to do. Thinking. The more one thinks the more things become complicated. As while talking and thinking I thought of every item on earth that can be cooked for eating, starting from Chicken to Potato, and finally I was even more confused about what to cook for my dinner at night and all this confusion was happening at the time of Breakfast.

Suddenly I realized that I needed breakfast immediately and not the dinner. I rushed outside to bring in some bread to feast my hungry stomach. I realized there are hundreds of Ravis’ outside. Many ladies were having a plate in their hands filled with flowers, fruits, milk and god knows what else.

“Are you on fast”, I heard a lady asking another, while I was passing by them. That became a day of realizations for me and I felt as if it is only I who is not fasting today. “Am I sinning by eating today” I asked myself.

Mind again would have gone in it’s natural thinking way had the Cell Phone have not buzzed. “Bugger, where are you till this time? Are you not supposed to report for the meeting ?” my Boss was shouting loud on me. My Eyes glanced at the watch and again I realized it is already 9:20 AM and I have to be in meeting at Sharp 10:00 at my office. I had to drive for 45 minutes to reach office.

It seems Lord Shiva went angry even by thoughts of having something in my stomach today,” this was the only thing that my mind could think at that point of time.

I did rush back to my house; house because I have no home; packed myself in my suit and bundled myself with my entire attire and gadgets inside my car.

I reached office late obviously and my boss roared again “Need you be taught to shave before coming to office”? Spontaneously my hand went on my chin and mind started its normal function of thinking “Man, how can you forget to brush your teeth”?

Now, I was convinced that Lord Shiva has gone angry with me and so I did decide rather vowed at that moment itself that I will be on fast today and thanked Lord Shiva that he has prevented me from having anything since morning.

Dry and jejune I came back house at around 7:00 PM itself that day. It was early for me but my mind kept on working and I was surprised to realize that it was working with empty stomach. It was thinking “Lord Shiva is really pleased by my decision of fasting and blessed me to escape unhurt in the meeting and make me leave office early. Lord Shiva is really great and that I should keep fast on every Shivaratri throughout my life.”

“Hallo! Ravi, are you there at home? Buddy, I am also on fast and dropped inside my house with nothing to do. Can I drop in?” I called up Ravi.

“Buddy just hop in. Seems fast has gone heavy in your brain so you are asking this stupid thing”.

“Hey Ratna, do you know, savitri has bought new house a week back. This is her third one. I do not know where is she getting all this money from when her husband is in the similar job as my Ravi”. I heard Ravi’s wife Seema saying this to one of her neighbor friends as soon as I entered his home. A few friends of Seema had gathered at her house after whole days fasting and Seema seemed to be telling this latest breaking news to all her friends though introducing Savitri only.

“Come inside buddy! You know these ladies. Let them talk all stories.” Came Ravi to take me in.

Mind …. !! It again started working. “What a thought after the whole day fast”!

I do not knew the reason but I started feeling uncomfortable there. I thought it was my fast that is making me uncomfortable and so have asked his leave.

“Hey Reema! You know Sangeeta’s boy friend has ditched her and he is dating Lovely these days. Come we will all talk to Sangeeta after the pooja. This will be fun Yaar”! I heard a group of girls talking among themselves while I was strolling to my house from Ravi’s home.

My restlessness grew even more. I thought I am now hungry to the core and should reach home as soon as possible to hit the sack.

“Stupid, Idiot! Didn’t I ask you to bring sugar also? What have you brought instead? Do I need to shout on you always even in my fast?” I heard a house lady bashing her home help.

My restlessness grew even more and I was not able to understand the reason of this restlessness. Suddenly I heard the chime of a bell and realized again that somebody was offering prayer nearby because with the sound of bell some recital of mantra was also going on. I just started feeling a little good then the same voice shouted “Donkey, where is the burning cow- dung? Will you give it to me when I will finish the entire prayer?” and again the mantra started. He was rebuking somebody in between the prayers and he didn’t forgot to keep chiming the bell. I envied his devotion but my restlessness by this time has reached the horizon.

My mind again started its work but this time it was working at the speed of light. It was trying to find out the reason of my restlessness. In the process it recalled something which has been told to me by my Grand Papa. Probably it was restored in the grey area of brain which surfaced as a result of fasting, may be.

“Dear Son, remember always, fasting and prayers are done to cleanse your karma and karma is done through thinking process, speaking process and by the process of physical performance or act. If you can cleanse all these even for one day you will be doing fasting. Because fasting in Sanskrit is called UPWAAS. If you are cleansed in all your acts you will be close to God, and this is the actual meaning of fasting. If you are not eating anything for the entire day and you are doing all mean things this is no fast. This will be simple torture to your body.”

Mind sometimes reaches to some conclusion also. It reached and I took out my cell phone. “Hello, I am calling from Shipra Apartments, please do send me a plate of Paneer Kadhai and four breads. Make it fast, I am felling damn hungry.”

Have a Nice Day ahead, and I seek your permission to be back in a short while with another article in the journey continued.

Good Luck …

Utpal Kant Mishra
Delhi; Feb. 28, 2009.

Monday, February 16, 2009

My Niece and the” Monkey Factor”

“Mausaji! Mujhe monkey se dar lagta hai! Mausi kahti hai monkey aa jayega!” I heard this with a trembling voice from my Niece as soon as I enter my house exhausted from my office.

My niece is a four year lovely, cute girl, as all Children are lovely and cute, is my blue starred eye. The fact that I do not have a baby of my own, she is very dear to me. It is another matter of fact that at times I wonder where all this loving, cute nature does evaporate as the same child grows up. Anyway, this is how I think about life and that should not bother you readers.

Now, as soon as I hear a trembling voice I fear from the one who I love so very much, I forget all exhaustion that I had in the entire day, and just felt like cuddling her and giving her solace. I did that and probably anybody would have done the same as we all are humans and we at times behave strangely in similar manner in some situations.

“Kahan hain monkey beta! Dekho mausa ji aa gaye na! Abhi monkey nahin aayega! Mausa ji se monkey darta hai na! abhi beta ko monkey nahin darayega!” I said all this while taking her in my arms and she felt so cosy there and safe too.

“Haan! Bhaag gaya! Masui ab bulao monkey ko! Mausa ji aa gaye na! Aaj main mausa ji ke saath hi soonga”.

“Haan beta! Aaj ham dono saath soyenge! Dekhain kahan se aata hai monkey tumhain daranain! Mere bacche ko darata hai! Bahut maroonga usko! ”

I said this and did forget by the time when we were about to bed. I really envy the memory of my cute little niece who at that point of time promptly reminded me:

“Mausa ji aap bhool gaye! Mujhe aapke saath sona hai! Nahin to monkey aa jayega na! Mujhe monkey se dar lagta hai!”

Spontaneously, I took her in my arms as if I was saving her from the monkey and said “I am sorry beta, chalo ham donon saath sote hain!”

Happy she was like a worker who has got bonus in these days of Recession. This was a paradise wealth as if any worker in any of the MNC would have got in this recessionary cycle. Forget about losing the job and salary cut, one is getting Bonus. How would be a grin on his face, similar was the grin on her face.

I have seen every time in life and now I am quite sure that every one of us, irrespective of caste, class, gender et - al; have “Monkey Factor” with us. This “Monkey Factor” comes out of us in different size and shape at different times in life. These days we are living under the “Monkey Factor” of recession counting every day the grains that we have saved for hay days. My “Factor” is even worse as I could not find anything in my storage tank. This Recession has shown the monkey of the same size and shape to everybody globally irrespective of ones being Occidental or Oriental. How closely this monkey has joined the Human Race Globally once again, as if we all are living in pre Gondwana Land era.

I was surprised to the degree of shock when I was reading some article on the Chinese astrology and I found the mention of Monkey sign there too. I jumped out of my bed and thanks God I landed there only safely. The common characteristic I noticed there in all types and creeds of “Monkeys” is that “Monkeys are showy PEOPLE, who love nothing more than impressing others by showing all they know”. I now became sure, that Monkeys are predecessors of Human.

Back to my niece. When I again met her she was six and a half years. Still the same lovely, cute girl. She saw me on the rickshaw which has stopped in a pretty decent area of Samastipur in Bihar which was having a kuccha road and since it was not rainy season so thanks God it was not marshy. She saw me and cried a loud “Mausaji” and with her cry she became a sprinter participating in Olympics in 100 meters event. Before anybody could have guessed she has crossed the verandah of bricks, the corridors of mud and banged herself in my arms.

“Mausaji, tum itni der baad kyon aaye, mujhe chocolate khani hai, toys khareednain hain, aur mujhe har shop main ghoomna hai, har shop se kuch khareedna hai!”

Thank God she has asked for all this before the Recession did hit the Economy and per say my Wallet.

“Haan beta! Ham sab shop ghoomenge, sab kuch khareedenge!” and I felt so happy at that time with this cute little angel.

And as I said about the thinking of my life, she was of eight years when my wife was no more with me, and she took no time forgetting her Muasaji. I still envy the memory of this sweet, little, cute niece of mine.

Since it is all humane it did not took me much on my stride, but yes I am thinking about the “Monkey Factor”.

Have a Nice Day ahead, and I seek your permission to be back in a short while with another article in the journey continued.

Good Luck …

Utpal Kant Mishra
Delhi; Feb. 16, 2009.


I would restart writing and developing this blog, but if I do this without thanking a few persons that will be very mean to me.

I would take this opportunity to thank my colleague Mr. Subash Sapru for motivating me to restart writing on this blog and to advice me to sway beyond hard core philosophy to write on.

Secondly, I would like to thank my classmate, who now has shelled herself to remain only a virtual friend of mine. Her philosophical suggestions have given me a good insight on the vivid topics that I could write on apart from philosophy and poetry.

Thirdly, I would mention my life to be motivating enough and giving me full space of time to pen down the experiences that it has given to me till date and that it will keep giving till my last breath.

Finally, I would like to thank two virtual friends of mine who I feel are no more virtual to me and who I would not like to name here, to be with me every time in my down an upswing of mood.

Thank you all and with your motivation I am restarting this Blog once again wishing I get motivating responses from one and all.

Have a Nice Day ahead !