“will you like to wake up Sweetheart” ! The always euphonic and rhythmic voice of my wife with a gentle touch did ask me today also.
“unhhhh ….. Noooo, a little later” I muttered and skidded deep in my cocooned world of dreams again.
“The day is about to end honey, wanna get up now”! I later realized that this sound has echoed after more than couple of hours.
“What’s the time”
“Only 11 AM”
“Oppssss…..” I sprang up feeling headache which was nothing but the aftermath of over – sleeping.
Not far away I used to wake up at 6:30 in the morning and this is the same I who forces myself inside the bed as if I never want to wake up again.
I am thinking now that this forced laziness is a by product of lack of desire to struggle any more. In fact not the struggle but deming of the hope that “My Day” will also come and I will come clear with the achievement for which I have laid more than forty Years of my life.
Strange is the phenomenon of the state of mind. We all are normal to the extent that we all believe to be normal. But all ours normality is subject to certain abnormalities which if under certain societal boundary line is not considered to be psychological. But every normality has certain abnormality imbibed in it.
My abnormality has become chasing the success. I have even forgotten what success I am chasing for. Is it money, is it position, is it stability, is it family or is it something else. But in all my normality I am chasing success and the more I am chasing it the more unstable and unsuccessful I am becoming.
“Good Morning Mr. Mishra!” Every morning it is this voice of Ms. Yamini greets me and this is one voice that I hate the most. Circumstantially, my chase has landed me with this present so called boss of mine and so is my obligation to be greeted every morning with this voice every day. On top of the world I am forced to hear this voice by giving her a call from my side as first thing in the morning. I hope God will forgive me for this sin of making him number two in waiting to be remembered.
“So, what’s up for today”, as if I will be divulging something as RAW Chief briefing Prime Minister everyday morning. “Why not this, what happened to that, good…., ok……. Let’s see, brief me of your day in evening again…….” And with all this I not only feel but also do jump inside my bed again. Tired and Jejune before the day could have started.
The “Corporate” routine of mine is going to schools, meeting the management, taking all shits from them, catching up local of Mumbai back to home thinking how productive or creative was the day, and this is what I am expected and ordered to do everyday. This is underlined “Duty” read “Fundamental Duties” of Part 1V A of Indian Constitution for me.
If 14 years of my chase has given me this than I am sure to be lazy enough to leave my bed.
So, my day starts with “ I will be going to Schools. Say 4 Nos, will be co ordinating with the team and will try to close up some deal as soon as possible”. Mechanically these things come out of my mouth considering the cheque to come the next month.
As an average Indian after double masters degree from anonymous Colleges one is expected to only one thing in their rest of lifes “Worry about next month of pay cheque” and religiously checking every years February End the Budget passed by the Indian Government whether any relief has been given to us kind of children of lesser god, knowingly that there will be nothing for us in there.
“Ok! Fine Mr. Mishra ! Everyone suggests their product is good. What is so different with your company? Let me know what “benefit” we will get if suppose we go for your Product.”
One of the School Principal’s asked me this thoughtful question without asking or even knowing about our product and offerings. I realize that after all they are the builders of future brains of this country as ours have built us and so they might have got some kind of premonitive knowledge about rest of the unsaid things.
“Sir, we will provide all and every kind of service better and more than any other players in this market” I replied with a beatific and meaningful smile on my lips.
“Ok! So let me have a word with our Directors and as soon as they be free we will keep your Demonstration amongst them. Keep in touch Mr. Mishra and by the way you are an experienced person.” He replied with similar smile on his lips.
“Oh … Really! Good Mr. Mishra. Let us hope we get some business soon. This will help you also Mr. Mishra. You know you are still short on your Targets.” The evening call which I did make to Ms. Yamini did sound this. Wondering what was good in this all I cramped on bed dry and jejune.
I wonder if this is what I had to do why did I spared long years in cramming degrees of Maters in Economics and Master of Business Administration. These things can be done even by if not illiterates than by an school drop out. Now these degrees sounds alien and geek to me and I ask myself did I really do these? Why? I am getting toasts for drudgery and so if I wouldn’t have wasted time on Education I would have been having this same toast in at least BMW 7 Series.
Mumbai’s sultry weather never make me this tired as my everyday plight do make me, which is more mental than physical.
Though mental I am normal in the parlance of all normal people walking on the streets. I only imagine Mangoes in winter and lotus in desert. Nothing abnormal about it till I only imagine the things and keep them with me. The day I start speaking up some Psychologist from anonymous or known college will be having their toast with top up cheese being paid from my otherwise loan stripped pocket. For the sake of my poor pocket I am feloniously making them feel their degrees geek too.
“And the next person on the Dias is Mr. Mishra the famous philosopher writer……..”
“Ufff …. You are still sleeping. Good morning darling and I am moving to my office. Get up now”.
The same euphonic and rhythmic voice of my wife with a gentle touch realized me that again I am dreaming late on a working day in bed.
Good Morning ….. !!
Utpal Kant Mishra
Mumbai; March 27, 2011